At times I've been surprised by the magnitude of my own tears, by the amount of sheer wailing and letting go that certain circumstances called for. I've been shocked, almost worried that such a big cry might have been some sort of hysterical emotional excess, some kind of performance. But the quiet integration, the fragile and yet sublime peace that followed each vintage cry was the measure of the healing power of those tears.
When I was little, I was often scolded for being too emotional. I was told, whatever the situation, that 'it's not that bad,' or 'get over it!,' & even, 'be quiet before I give you something to cry about!'--all as if my own "little" tragedy simply did not require the reaction that I was giving it. As an adult I have been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve; that I am too vulnerable, &/or overly dramatic; any of which might be true, but all of which are someone else's opinions---filtered through their own inability or unwillingness to show real emotion themselves.
Recently, our family went through a very trying time that rocked the very foundation of everything we thought could possibly go wrong. The possibility of losing a child hit in a deeply unexplainable way that brought me to my knees; weeping & wailing for resolution & healing. While going through the situation I felt the need to be "strong," & to "make sure everyone else was OK." It wasn't until weeks later, in a grocery store isle that I was able to truly feel what had happened & the tears began to fall & fell for several days. And with every tear I felt a little bit better. After it was over, I knew that a deep healing & release had happened within myself & I no longer felt concerned over being "too emotional."
Everyone heals differently! My way may not be yours & yours mine, but each way has to be honored & respected. Often times in our own uncomfortable way, we push others to 'get over it' before they are ready because we love them & we don't want them to be sad; to hurt, to feel lonely, to be depressed, or to lay in bed all day. Sometimes we move too quickly past what our loved ones need without taking into account their need for healing. There are times when I semi-sort-of listen when someone is venting or pouring out their heart to me because I am too busy coming up with my own way to fix "it." We push for a resolve before we allow for a healing...
In her book, 10 Things, author Daphne Rose Kingma asks in the chapter entitled, Cry Your Heart Out, "What if we could create a ministry of tears? What if we consecrated some time in each our days to weep, first for ourselves, but then for each of the ones whose lives have been broken... what healing would happen? What peace would reign? How much would our differences dissolve? And what would we learn about the true nature of Love?
I wonder too...what if?~~ xi
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