12 Tips 4 Triumph in 2011 from 10 Things & SIU

Photo: Racing Stars by Andrew Stewarz

Life can be so funny! Sometimes, flowing like a calm, serene stream, in the direction of our most pleasing dream. Then, other times, seemingly out of nowhere-- storms arise and wreak havoc on the very core of our most solid foundations. Circumstances can change like the wind & leave us gasping for air & fighting to survive. For many, 2010 has been a tumultuous time; filled with highs & lows that made life a crazy roller-coaster of a ride that we could not escape from quickly enough. But, in all of the chaos, there have been life lessons that may yet serve to transition life into something very rewarding...for all things work together for our good! 

The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart, by Daphne Rose Kingma, & our virtual book club pick going into 2011, offers a list of tips (10 Things) for triumph during the most challenging & trying times of our lives. We added a couple of tips at the end of the list & hope that this list helps you to persevere in the coming New Year! 

From 10 Things/

1. Cry Your Eyes Out: When things come undone, simply take time to feel & release!
2. Face Your Defaults: Everyone has coping mechanisms; good, bad, & indifferent. Identify yours & allow them to work for you-- not against you!
3. Do Something different!
4. Let Go!
5. Remember Who You Have Always Been: & Be that!
6. Persist! 
7. Integrate Your Loss: find ways to evolve & change versus staying stuck in "what was."
8. Live Simply.
9. Go Where the Love Is: migrate towards a supportive, loving environment & fill your life with people & circumstances that promote your new growth.
10. Live in the Light of the Spirit...
11. Click & Buy the Book!
12. Join Our Virtual Book Discussion Online!

Happy New Year!

Bookmark: Cry Your Heart Out! from 10 Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart

At times I've been surprised by the magnitude of my own tears, by the amount of sheer wailing and letting go that certain circumstances called for. I've been shocked, almost worried that such a big cry might have been some sort of hysterical emotional excess, some kind of performance. But the quiet integration, the fragile and yet sublime peace that followed each vintage cry was the measure of the healing power of those tears.

~~~ From page 6 of Ten Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart

When I was little, I was often scolded for being too emotional. I was told, whatever the situation, that 'it's not that bad,' or 'get over it!,' & even, 'be quiet before I give you something to cry about!'--all as if my own "little" tragedy simply did not require the reaction that I was giving it. As an adult I have been told that I wear my heart on my sleeve; that I am too vulnerable, &/or overly dramatic; any of which might be true, but all of which are someone else's opinions---filtered through their own inability or unwillingness to show real emotion themselves.

Recently, our family went through a very trying time that rocked the very foundation of everything we thought could possibly go wrong. The possibility of losing a child hit in a deeply unexplainable way that brought me to my knees; weeping & wailing for resolution & healing. While going through the situation I felt the need to be "strong," & to "make sure everyone else was OK." It wasn't until weeks later, in a grocery store isle that I was able to truly feel what had happened & the tears began to fall & fell for several days. And with every tear I felt a little bit better. After it was over, I knew that a deep healing & release had happened within myself & I no longer felt concerned over being "too emotional."

Everyone heals differently! My way may not be yours & yours mine, but each way has to be honored & respected. Often times in our own uncomfortable way, we push others to 'get over it' before they are ready because we love them & we don't want them to be sad; to hurt, to feel lonely, to be depressed, or to lay in bed all day. Sometimes we move too quickly past what our loved ones need without taking into account their need for healing. There are times when I semi-sort-of  listen when someone  is venting or pouring out their heart to me because I am too busy coming up with my own way to fix "it." We push for a resolve before we allow for a healing...

In her book, 10 Things, author Daphne Rose Kingma asks in the chapter entitled, Cry Your Heart Out, "What if we could create a ministry of tears? What if we consecrated  some time in each our days to weep, first for ourselves, but then for each of the ones whose lives have been broken... what healing would happen? What peace would reign? How much would our differences dissolve? And what would we learn about the true nature of Love? 

 I wonder too...what if?~~ xi

Click here & Purchase the book 10 Things & Join the Virtual Discussion!

Part II Interview w/ Author Daphne Kingma on 10 Things

Working with Daphne Kingma has been both a gift & a privilege! I have been truly inspired by her book, The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart (10 Things), & have been motivated to feature her book over the next 10 weeks! Here's Part II of our interview:


SIU: Who inspires YOU? Which writers have most inspired your work?
Kingma: What a lovely question! Thank you!  The poets James Wright, ee cummings, Dylan Thomas and Pablo Neruda, the philosophers Andre Gide, Andre Malraux, and John Stuart Mill, the novelists William Styron, Marguerite Duras and Earnest Hemingway. I was deeply influenced by my father's very well written letters, and I was strongly  visually influenced by the beauty of my parents' garden and the many works of art to which, starting from when I was a child, I was frequently exposed.

SIU: What lies on the horizon for you as a writer? What projects are you working on NEXT?
Kingma: Another fabulous question! Well, as you might imagine from my previous answer, I, too, am a poet and writer of fiction; and I am moving in the direction of completing many literary works-in- progress and performing them. In terms of my life at large, after an extremely busy year of promoting my book I'm preparing for a life with more time for my love and my personal writing,  I'm also looking forward to presenting the teachings from THE TEN and the relationship books I've written--as well as the emotional healing work I've always done--to much larger audiences. Basically, I'm looking forward to a more balanced combination of what we usually call a "professional" life and the pursuit of my own creative and heart-endeavors.

SIU: Finally, what do you do when life falls apart personally & what advice do you offer for when times get truly tough?
Kingma: I have a practice which I call: The Smallest Change That Can Make the Biggest Difference, and this is what I recommend to people going through agonizing times. When my house burned down I made it a practice to drive downtown and buy a glass of fresh vegetable juice every day and then sit in a quiet place and drink it before returning to the ongoing fray of the re-construction. This little practice sometimes took only twenty minutes, but it gave me a sense of well-being, joy and perspective. At other times my change has been taking a walk, meditating or writing quietly for a few minutes at the beginning of every day. And so I would ask you:  what is the one little, self nourishing thing you can do every day even though it may seem that your entire world is falling apart: taking a walk up and down the hospital halls even though you're there because your best friend is dying, listening to some beautiful music in your car before you go in to work, making a list of what you're grateful for each night, or turning off the TV and reading a poem before you go to sleep, Any act performed consistently becomes a practice, and, as such, will provide a steadying rudder during chaotic times. You will be amazed at the large amount of equanimity even one of these simple practices will grant you.

Please click here & buy the book, The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart & join our virtual book discussion over the coming weeks!

Interview w/ Daphne Rose Kingma, Author of 10 Things

Part I: Not in along time has a book touched my life more or shown up @ a more perfect time. The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart (10 Things), by author Daphne Rose Kingma is just that book! I had an opportunity to interview her about her book, her beliefs, & her future.

SIU: You generally write books on relationships, what made you write 10 Things?
Kingma:  As you may know, I've written a dozen books specifically about love and relationships, among them the best-sellers, COMING APART, TRUE LOVE, FINDING TRUE LOVE, and THE FUTURE OF LOVE,. In these books I've dealt most often with love as we experience it in our intimate human connections and how, through becoming more conscious of our behavior, we can experience a greater measure of love in our relationships.THE TEN is different in that it is very specifically about how to make it through a crisis. There's obviously a bridge here, though, because even in a crisis we are concerned about our relationships, and our relationships are often profoundly affected by challenges that we are dealing with. What is also true is that no matter what we're going through,our anguish is ultimately resolved through love. Since crisis rocks us to the depth of our need and vulnerability, it also calls us to greater and greater measures of love.

SIU: How do you feel one's beliefs and/or faith comes into play during a crisis?
Kingma: Ultimately any life crisis is an invitation to get in touch with our spiritual dimension--whatever you choose to call it: soul, light, divinity, eternal essence, love. A spiritual grounding, practice or point of view enables us to see a crisis in a larger framework--one that suggests that we might learn from the difficulties we are going through, that we might be transformed as persons and as souls.  This spiritual viewpoint also brings us comfort--we begin to understand that there is meaning to even our difficult experiences and that life itself, and we ourselves are larger than the hard times we are having.

SIU: What helps you through during crisis in your own life?
Kingma: I have been greatly blessed in my life by knowing early on that there is a greater dimension in which all of our experiences are occurring. This deeply held awareness has cradled me through the crisis in my own life--and I've certainly had my share: ended relationships, my house burning down, the death of dear ones, financial reversals and health challenges. While each of these things was huge and on a number of occasions several of them occurred in tandem with each other,I always knew that there was a greater force at work. As a consequence, I was open to seeing--and, ultimately, to actually experiencing--what the greater gifts of these tough experiences would be.

Please revisit for Part II of my chat with Author, Daphne Rose Kingma!

Click Here & Buy the Book, 10 Things & Join Our Virtual Discussion!

10 Things: A Book Review by Xina Sy

When a friend asked, "...before I go home, will you make me a list of ten things I need to do to get through this crisis?," author Daphne Rose Kingma arose to the task & gifted us all with an enlightened handbook for when life truly gets tough in her latest work, The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart. This book touches on tragedy with  gentleness & spiritual precision & marks Kingma as a wondrous, emotional surgeon who dissects life's difficulties with careful craftiness. Not the average self-help, spiritual guide, 10 Things offers a practical, realistic list of advice that goes beyond motivational hoopla & quick fixes. Kingma's work is real & vulnerable & true as it offers the reader not just inspiration, but hopeful possibility.
Chapters include Cry Your Heart Out, Do Something Different, Live Simply, & Go Where the Love Is & are just part of The 10 Things To Do list of advice. Each chapter includes heart-warming stories, spiritual & practical tips, & a short list of thought-provoking questions that serve as a guide to ignite the readers quest for self improvement & self awareness. 10 Things offers no solutions, it only resolves to challenge & move its audience towards what matters most...living well; and it does so gracefully.

"We are creatures whose psychological purpose & spiritual destiny is to keep evolving, to become, in every direction & on every level, more fully ourselves," so says 10 Things. Kingma offers up, easily, tips to assist in that pursuit. An easy read-- a wordship of worship--- this book is as laid back as a book can be, while simultaneously offering depth & insight. For anyone wanting & willing to recover it is well worth a Sunday afternoon of reading that will ultimately impact a lifetime.

What others are saying:

"Anyone going through a dark night of the soul needs to have this book. It will be your closest companion & your most tender angel. Daphne Rose Kingma more than speaks to your soul; she knows how to heal it.”
                       ~~Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love
 “What if, during the worst times you can imagine, you felt a warm & steady hand on your back guiding you forward? What if it helped you remember to turn toward what can be possible instead of against yourself or away from what you are afraid of? This book is that hand. Put it by your bedside & you’ll sleep better. Read it & you’ll live better.”
                     ~~Dawna Markova, PhD, co-creator of Random Acts of Kindness


About the Author:
Daphne Rose Kingma’s bestsellers include Coming Apart, The Men We Never Knew, and The Future of Love. She & her work have appeared in most major media outlets, & she presents seminars & workshops around the world. She lives in Santa Barbara, California.

Click Here & Buy the book & Join the 10 Week Virtual Discussion!

Stay tuned this week for an upcoming interview with the author Daphne Rose Kingma.

Virtual Book Club!

Buy the book & join our virtual book club for a 10 week discussion on The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma...stay tuned for more info...

Enjoy our review of the book, an interview with the author, along with a virtual discussion on each chapter!

Starts November 5th

Soul Mission! Life Vision! Book Review

I like the clear, logical way Alan Seale goes about presenting his excellent insights. Seale imbues us with a powerful sense of self-faith and potential. Not only do we see what needs to be done, we know we can do it.

— Hugh Prather, author, The Little Book of Letting Go, How to Live in the World and Still Be Happy

Soul Mission Life Vision is a ground-breaking guidebook to knowing and fulfilling your life’s purpose. It is the owner's manual you never received when you entered this world, offering both the theory and the practice that can lead you to getting the most out of your life—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This compelling book begins with an in-depth exploration of how life works—understanding your human experience. From there Alan leads you on a powerful expedition to discover your soul’s mission. Anchored by your soul mission, you then take an amazing flight into the world of all possibilities and create a life vision that fulfills your mission as well as your greatest hopes and dreams. You break through limiting paradigms, learn to use the power of your conscious and subconscious mind, and work with the laws of the universe—tools necessary for the incredible manifestation journey.

The second half of the book is a "how-to" manual for bringing your vision to reality. Alan adapted the ancient Medicine Wheel of the Lakota Indians to create The Manifestation Wheel, a practical and interactive guide for the journey of self-awareness and transformation necessary to brings dreams to reality. Whether the project is losing 10 pounds, catapulting your business to a new level, or complete life transformation, the Manifestation Wheel provides a user-friendly structure for overcoming resistance, addressing fears, gathering resources, shifting paradigms, listening to intuition, creating action plans, and accomplishing the goal!

The 50th Law: An Excerpt

"THE GREATEST FEAR PEOPLE HAVE IS THAT OF BEING THEMSELVES. THEY WANT TO BE 50 CENTS OR SOMEONE ELSE. THEY DO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DOES EVEN WHEN IT DOESN'T FIT WHERE AND WHO THEY ARE. BUT YOU GET NOWHERE THAT WAY; YOUR ENERGY IS WEAK AND NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION TO YOU. YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY FROM THE ONE THING THAT YOU OWN-- WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT. I LOST THAT FEAR. AND ONCE I FELT THE POWER THAT I HAD BY SHOWING THE WORLD I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT BEING LIKE OTHER PEOPLE, I COULD NEVER GO BACK.

~~ RAPPER, 50 CENT

The 50th Law is based on the following premise: We humans have generally little control over circumstances. People intersect our lives, doing things directly and indirectly to us, and we spend our days reacting to what they bring. Good things come our way, followed by bad things. we struggle as best we can to gain some control, because being helpless in the face of events makes us unhappy. Sometimes we succeed, but the margin of control that we have over people and circumstances is depressingly narrow.

The 50th Law, however, states that there is one thing we can actually control-- the mindset with which we respond to the events around us. And if we are able to overcome our anxieties and forge a fearless attitude towards life, something strange and remarkable can occur-- that margin of control over circumstance increases, At its utmost point, we can even create the circumstances themselves, which is the source of tremendous power that far less types have had throughout history. And the people who practice the 50th Law in their lives all share certain qualities-- supreme boldness, unconventionality, fluidity, and a sense of urgency-- that give them this unique ability to shape circumstance.

A bold act requires a high degree of confidence. People who are the targets of an audacious act, or who witness it, cannot help but believe that such confidence is real and justified. They respond instinctively by backing up, by getting out of the way, or by following the confident person. A bold act can put people on their heels and eliminate obstacles. In this way, it creates its own favorable circumstances.

The 50th Law, is a collaborative effort by Rapper & Biznessman, 50 Cent & writer Robert Greene, who also wrote The 33 Strategies of War, The Art of Seduction , & The 48 Laws of Power.

Lessons from Lupus

I do not recall how I came to be friends with author, Natasha Munson, but I do call her "friend." Over the years we have talked extensively about business, books, and building vision. We have shared endlessly about love and relationships, our children, and an array of personal issues that I am sure both of us feel comfortable will always stay between us. We have laughed and cried and encouraged one another through our own struggles. She is my friend. I am also a fan. She is the author of a series of several books for sistahs, Life Lessons For My Sisters: How to Make Wise Choices and Live a Life You Love!, her second, Love Lessons For My Sisters: How To Find and Keep All  The Love You Deserve!, and her latest, Spiritual Lessons For My Sisters: How to Get Over the Drama and Live Your Best Life!. Her work encourages and empowers women towards becoming their highest selves and living their best lives. She is a Light in a world that often strives to darken and dampen the feminine Spirit. So, when I reached out and didn't hear anything back, for months, from one of my favorite chat buddies, I was confused until the email came through my social networking inbox. Natasha had been diagnosed with Lupus late in 2009 and was having a hard time maintaining her own life on a daily basis. After a house fire, and losing everything, the episode began and has continued to impact her life in a significant way. When we last spoke, I talked to her about SIU and the desire to share real stories, about real folks, that are dealing with real life challenges and the lessons they learn. Without hesitation she wanted to share with the hopes of, once again, encouraging others to face life's obstacles and believe in the power of the human Spirit to overcome. 

SIU: How has Lupus impacted your world?

Munson: It feels like my entire life changed when I was diagnosed with Lupus. Some days I walk a bit funny because of swollen feet and joint pain. Some days I am literally in the bed crying because of intense pain. I do believe that we attract situations into our lives based on our belief systems, so in-between these Lupus episodes I will ask what I am supposed to learn. The answer has been to 1) learn to ask for help 2) have patience 3) stop waiting so long to ask for help 4) allow myself to be taken care of 5) take care of my body and treat it well.

SIU: How has it affected your family; your daughters?

Munson: My daughters are amazing. They help me so much in dealing with Lupus. From literally making me a meal or carrying me to my room, helping me walk and get around. I believe Lupus has allowed me to let them be young adults. Instead of always taking care of them I can let them take care of me too, and they do a great job at it. As far as affecting my life and family goals, this has really allowed me to stop pushing and simply let things be. I make plans but it's not a catastrophe if they need to change. I have learned to speak up and express myself even more so. In many strange ways it has given me even more of a peaceful approach to life and challenges because I know for sure that I cannot do it all and it's all not that serious.

SIU: What tips for others facing the same types of challenges would you like to share?

Munson: I would tell others who are dealing with life changes to:
- Embrace it. Yes, as difficult as it may be, accept that this is happening to you. Don't go into woe is me mode. But realize that you will have to deal with whatever is affecting you.
- Accept help. If someone wants to help you, let them. Trying to be super strong is not helpful to you at this time. It's ok to show weakness, cry, say I need help, or just ask someone to hug or hold you.
- Live in the moment. Appreciate every moment and breath you are given. Illness surely shows you what is important and what you cherish.
- Have faith. Know that you can and will get through this. The moment will pass, the life challenge will pass. The one thing you will always have is the memory of how you dealt with those moments. Allow the God within you to show up and handle these difficulties for you.
SUI: Lessons well learned.~~

Natasha has been promoted and featured in TheNew York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today Weekend, Publishers Weekly , Atlanta Journal Constitution, Writer’s Digest, Essence, Ebony, Heart & Soul, Black Issues Book Review, and Sister Power magazine. She has also appeared on Lifetime Live! (Lifetime Television), BET Nightly News, At Home – Live! with Chuck & Jenni,  Mornings with Scott & Lorrie, Mom Talk Radio, Written Voices radio, Biography Channel and CBN.com (The Christian Broadcasting Network). She resides in Atlanta, GA with her two daughters.

Proceeds from the purchase of products on this page will go to The Lupus Foundation. Thank you for your support!